we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
