I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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