I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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