It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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