This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
