My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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