I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
