Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
