Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
