I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Bring me that man meat
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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