WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
BRING THE BAGELS
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
