It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize