it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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