she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
