i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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