Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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