i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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