im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
