Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
