Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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