Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize