1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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