I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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