he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize