Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
