Can i not drive my cunt home
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
