oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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