yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
