More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize