he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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