Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
