Will you blow on my dice?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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