I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
