How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
