Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
