We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just cut my nipple shaving
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
