Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
