Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize