You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
