Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize