I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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