I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
