thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
