Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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