I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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