I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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