All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
