I want to walk on stilts...naked
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize