listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
