I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
