she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
