Pants 0. Shit 1.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
