I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
