She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Welp...herpes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize