woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
