she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
