I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
