So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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