I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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