What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
