Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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