It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Pappa wants mamma naked
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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