just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
