smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
