sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
