Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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