we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
