I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
