I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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