I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
