so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
