I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
