You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
