I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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