Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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