it was like his penis was on wheels.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
