I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Couch. On fire.
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