Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
