I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
