I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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