i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
