how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
