Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I could fuck to npr.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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