she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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