It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
