She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
