You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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