Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
