That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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