im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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