I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
