Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
