So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
