I will die if light touches me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize