you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
